2007-05-09T17:18:00.001-07:00

You are here: home > my Brasil > My last moment of Sensory satisfaction in Brazil

I wake up in the middle of the night. I had already been down with fever throughout the day, yet I do not want to sleep. I go out it is a little bit cold, but not unbearable. I sit on the chair, I look outside. I don´t have my glasses on, so all the lights are blurred, Melanie is asleep. Looking at the blurred lights, I feel like as if I am looking at the past.. It feels like looking at a place from the airplane just when you are leaving it.. Or like pictures in your memory you vaguely remember. It is just like our memories that will vanish and disappear in the future. I took very good care of this blog, but still I know most of my memories from this 6 months will decay. But I know something, this 6 months has definitely been the best 6 months of my life. I jumped around crazy enjoying every single thing in the process, but besides that I learned so much too. I learned to fight better, I learned to try to understand better, I learned to have more compassion. I had my moments, climaxes, changes, had good friends, acquaintances, but no matter what it was never boring, a constant change, non stop surprises. Never bored never regretted, will never regret. There has been some friends of me who supported me telling that they wish they could have done it, and some who felt that I am crazy trying that sort of a trip by myself. Some were right, some were only different. I learned my lesson from this trip, I fighted for this trip and enjoyed this trip to the fullest. I deserved this travel and I know that even if the memories get blurred I will always remember and keep the fun and the learnings from this trip deep inside my conscious and deep inside my soul.. And whatever happens, there are still some moments I will remember forever from my trip, the moment of Lambada in amazonas, my rainbows, my first dive, my first love after 7 years, my feeling of change on my reflection in cuzco, my pina colada with Mehmet in Mexico city, my bribing the corrupt mexican cop in Palenque with Hannah, and many more.. All those memories were because I decided to go for this trip, I decided to fight for going on this trip, knowing what I am looking for not giving up from my decisions not making a backstep from my faith. And this is my moment of sensory satisfaction for this and this is my promise to myself forever starting from this moment. I will never lose faith into myself. Never ever... No matter how hard the situation gets, there is always a way to get out of it, and I will never stop looking for that way. Whenever the situation seems harder than I can handle I will remember the blurry lights of Manaus. Because the day I stop fighting, I will not be anything but a lost cause, the moment we lose our hope we are nothing but desparate. It is not the way I enjoy, it is not the way I should pay for my responsibilities. So, I will never give up fighting for what I believe. And this is the best gift this trip could give me.

My last Moment of Sensory Satisfaction in Brazil